How Parents Can Help Their Student to Become Independent Thinkers

Hi Parents!

My name is Case McGee, and I am the Director of Entry Level Professional Talent at Archer Daniels Midland and a Millikin alum.

I understand sending a child off to college can be an extremely emotional and bittersweet time for parents. You are proud of your child on the one hand, but sad on the other due to the fact that your offspring is now growing older and moving out.

This difficult time is magnified for today's helicopter parents. According to Wikipedia, a helicopter parent is a term for a person who pays extremely close attention to his or her child or children, particularly at educational institutions. Parents are so named because, much like a helicopter, they hover closely overhead ready to reach out to their children whether they are needed or not.

How do you know if you possess the traits of a helicopter parent? Common characteristics include: being in constant contact with your child (i.e. - texting multiple times in a day), making academic decisions for him/her and feeling badly for yourself if and when your child makes a mistake. The unfortunate result of this process is that the maturation growth of a child can become stunted when parents are over-involved.

My recommendations to those parents who feel as though they may be in the helicopter parent category are the following:

1. Embrace Trust --- Trust your child. The time your child spends in college is the time he needs to develop personal interests and values. Make sure to provide the appropriate space an 18-year-old may need to allow this to happen.

2. Seek Independent Problem Solving -- Do not allow yourself to constantly make decisions for your child. The more decisions you allow your child to make on her own, the more it shows that she is maturing.

3. Let Them Call You -- Make an effort to avoid calling your child every day. Let him initiate the call to you. In the long run, this fosters independence.

4. Be a Friend as Much as a Parent -- Make it a point to develop a friendly relationship with your child while she is away at school. By transitioning away from a parental relationship, you are indirectly telling your child that she is trusted. This will assist your child in developing self-confidence and self-management skills.

From an employer's point-of-view, a hovering parent can be a warning signal. The obvious concern becomes: Are we hiring an independent thinker if Mom or Dad is in the background making the decisions? In today's job market, it can be the difference between an offer and no offer.

Parents need to find a proper balance when it comes to supporting their children who are away at college. Be there for your child, but do not smother him and force dependence. As a parent, you can help your child most by encouraging him to trust in his own abilities.